Let me start by admitting wholeheartedly that Big Brother on CBS is my summertime guilty pleasure. Miguel Fuller turned me onto the show a few years ago and I've loved it ever since! I must say though, that I'm really disappointed this season...in the women.
It has become increasingly clear this season that a lot of the women in the house are absolutely senseless. I'm so offended by their lack of game play that the show has become painful to watch! If I wanted to watch pathetically desperate women begging for the attention of men who OBVIOUSLY want nothing to do with them, I'd be watching The Bachelor. I mean, have these women SEEN Big Brother before? Do they realize that half a million dollars is on the line, and it ISN'T won by the woman who does the best job at throwing herself at a man?
Before I go further, I want to make it clear that not EVERY woman in the Big Brother house is a mindless man-chaser. Helen, Elissa, and Candice seem like they're really "in it to win it" (shouts out to Randy Jackson, dawg). Poor Candice, the lone town crier trying to alert the other ladies to a gentlemen's alliance. If this was a scary movie, she would have already pegged the killer and been on her way out of town instead of checking out the attic alone with a faulty flashlight. Keep blowing that whistle, CandyLand.
But I digress. Let's take a look at why the other ladies of the house have besmirched the name Woman.
Amanda: She's the least cray of the cray, which I guess is a good thing. At first I had the highest hopes for her- she's smart and physically capable, and she found Jessie just as annoying as I did in those first few episodes. I love a sassy lady with snarky commentary! (Case in point? I still think Season 12's Britney Haynes could be my BFF. Hello, we're even preggers at the same time!) Anyway, I started to lose the rose-colored glasses for Amanda when she basically shoved her tig ole's in McCrae's face. Does anyone else get the feeling that McCrae is only showmancing her because he's afraid of what will happen if he doesn't? She could break him (and he knows it!)
Kaitlin: Sadly, we know NOTHING about Kaitlin other than the fact that she allows Jeremy to grope her at every opportunity. If we were all cavemen, I'd get it. Big threatening man knock her up good and make babies. Bring food. Make fire. She'd win! At surviving, that is. But we are NOT cavemen, and Jeremy is sure as hell NOT going to feather your nest if he wins the game. He's going to go back to slipping girls roofies in order to get them on the boat he doesn't know how to operate. Ok, that was harsh. He probably knows how to turn it on.
Jessie: I know two pieces of information about this girl. She thinks she's hot, and she wants some Nick ass. I'm pretty sure she's having a mental disconnect about the fact that her stunning looks haven't landed a man in her bed. Now I'm not saying there's anything wrong with some healthy self-confidence; I'm just saying that there's a difference between self-confidence and vapid vanity, which is what she exhibits. I'm also not saying there's anything wrong with having a crush on a cute dude you're sharing living quarters with; I'm just saying that if you resort to following him around like a sad lost puppy that's probably how he's going to treat you. Like a dog. A dog.
Aaryn: Let's pretend she ISN'T one of BB's most arrogant, bigoted, ignorant, and unremorseful houseguests. Take all of those negative qualities away for just a minute, and you're left with someone who found a showmance for barely a week and then grabbed her torch and pitchfork when he was evicted. Not only did she put her all chips in the basket of someone who wasn't the brightest bulb in the pack, but she also remained hopelessly devoted to him at no benefit to herself! Is she there to win $500,000 or not?! Does she even know where she is? Actually, she probably doesn't, considering she hasn't put much thought into a face-to-face with Julie Chen after suggesting Asian houseguest Helen "go make some f*&^ing rice." Bad move, blondie. (Oops, look at me being offensive by calling her blondie- because blonde-haired, blue-eyed people have had a really hard go of it over the years.)
GinaMarie: I saved her for last because I think she might be the most ridiculous person I've ever seen on this show. I used to feel that way about good old Rachel Riley, but I also never wanted Rachel to get evicted because it was fun to hate on her. She was a hoot to watch! Conversely, there is nothing fun about watching a grown-ass woman live her life like it's a Jersey Shore audition. GinaMarie is obnoxiously loud and annoying; how on EARTH did she make a living teaching young women proper pageant ettiquette?! (Not that I'm into pageants...they're clearly not my fave thing.) But seriously- getting louder does not make you more attractive. And this is coming from someone who is loud by nature. But it's not even her obnoxiousness that I have an issue with- it was the dance of desperation she performed for Nick that pushed me over the edge. (Bee Tee Dubs, was Nick wearing Sex Panther cologne in that house?!? I mean, I know 60% of the time it works every time, but DAY-UM. Ladies be on him like BOOM.) GinaMarie, listen to me: when you tell someone you're excited to kiss them, and they tell you they're excited that YOU'RE excited, THEY DON'T LIKE YOU. I mean, can someone mail this B a copy of "He's Just Not That Into You"? Because again, following a dude around like you're a lost puppy is NOT A GOOD FLIRTING TACTIC. Just ask Jessie. Desperation is a stinky perfume, lady, and you took a bath in it. And you wanna know the worst part about this whole conundrum?
When Nick was evicted, GinaMarie sobbed like her husband of 25 years was just shot in the face in front of her and she held him in her arms as she watched the life slowly fade from his eyes. I have never wanted to reach through my television and slap a b*tch as much as I have when I saw that travesty unfold. She had only known him for a couple weeks! HE WASN'T EVEN INTERESTED IN HER! Any scrap of self respect and dignity she had just leaked out of her eye sockets and evaporated. You realize that women like GinaMarie set the feminist movement back about 50 years? Go sit down, madam, I can't even look at you. No, I don't want to hear anymore of your pitiful blubbering, good day. I SAID GOOD DAY.
Alright, I think I'm spent. Thank you for allowing me to rant about the shortcomings of my fellow women. We can only hope that Candice stays strong and keeps her head in the game. I still have some lingering hope for Amanda. Let's hope whatever she's doing with McCrae is part of a larger plan to dominate the house. Maybe she, Candice, Elissa, and Helen can form a successful women's alliance and take it to the final 4. Wishful thinking? Probably. But a girl can dream.