1) . . . And that's when I realized that white supremacy was for me.
2) Trust me, you're gonna want to wear a condom when you hit this.
3) Hi, I'm in the NFL.
4) I don't believe in creation OR evolution. I think we're all just characters in one of Kanye West's dreams.
5) Do you speak Klingon, too?
6) I wouldn't necessarily call myself a TV star, but I WAS on an episode of "Cops".
7) I gotta take this call. It's my wife.
8) My water broke.
9) Thanks to all the electro-shock therapy, I no longer hear screams at night.
10) Before we order the appetizers, I should tell you, I'm required by the state to disclose a couple things about my past.
11) This movie is so unrealistic. Believe me, that's NOT what happens when you bury a corpse in the middle of the woods.
12) Sorry I couldn't take you to that other restaurant. Turns out, it's entirely staffed by women I'm stalking.
13) No matter what happens, I KNOW I'm getting lucky tonight. Because I just slipped myself a roofie.
14) In the trunk. NOW!
16) You're a 38D? So am I!
17) I hope this leads to a second date . . . because I've never had one.
18) And THAT is when I got REALLY into necrophilia.