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by TYLER posted Sep 19 2014 2:34PM
Going on a first date can be awesome...or it can be hell. Here are The Top Things You Don't Want to Hear on a First Date.




1) . . . And that's when I realized that white supremacy was for me.

2) Trust me, you're gonna want to wear a condom when you hit this.

3) Hi, I'm in the NFL.

4) I don't believe in creation OR evolution. I think we're all just characters in one of Kanye West's dreams.

5) Do you speak Klingon, too?

6) I wouldn't necessarily call myself a TV star, but I WAS on an episode of "Cops".

7) I gotta take this call. It's my wife.

8) My water broke.

9) Thanks to all the electro-shock therapy, I no longer hear screams at night.

10) Before we order the appetizers, I should tell you, I'm required by the state to disclose a couple things about my past.

11) This movie is so unrealistic. Believe me, that's NOT what happens when you bury a corpse in the middle of the woods.

12) Sorry I couldn't take you to that other restaurant. Turns out, it's entirely staffed by women I'm stalking.

13) No matter what happens, I KNOW I'm getting lucky tonight. Because I just slipped myself a roofie.

14) In the trunk. NOW!

15) Dad?

16) You're a 38D? So am I!

17) I hope this leads to a second date . . . because I've never had one.

18) And THAT is when I got REALLY into necrophilia.

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