Sometimes, "taking a break" in a relationship is just that- a break. Some time apart for clarity, in which two people realize they're better off together and become a couple once again. But other times, "taking a break" really means, "I actually just want to break up but I'm too scared to say it, so I'm going to use this as a way to ease into it."
So how do you tell the difference? How do you know when you should just leave the relationship in the past? Follow these tips on when NOT to get back with your ex! (And just so you know, this is applicable to men AND women. Guys, you can EASILY substitute "she" for "he"!)
You Broke Up A Week Ago
If you guys just broke up two weeks ago, don't get back together. You just broke up! It's natural to miss each other and to want to gravitate back to each other. But you broke up for a reason, and if you're going to get back together, you need some time to figure things out first. People often get stuck in on-off relationships because they don't give themselves any time to be alone and think things through. If a month or two goes by and you still want to get back together, then consider it. But don't wait five days and decide to try again. Nothing can get resolved in five days.
You Had A Legit Reason For Breaking Up In The First Place
What caused you guys to break up to begin with? If it was because you both felt like you just weren't getting along or didn't click, then you probably shouldn't get back together. If one of you cheated, getting back together will be hard. If it was because of distance, that will be hard too. Really think about why you broke up, and see if it's realistic to try again. It may not be.
You Guys Never Actually Resolved Your Issue
If you two didn't discuss your issues and figure out how to resolve them together, you can't try again. You just can't. One of my friends is in an on/off relationship. Her and her BF break up every once in a while because he doesn't want as much of a commitment as she does. This never changes, yet she still takes him back. Why? They have a difference in opinions that is not going to be resolved. They are getting back together just to fail again. It's pointless. Don't do this!
He Hasn't Apologized Or Taken Responsibility For Anything
If he did something wrong, and can't apologize for it or take any responsibility for anything, do not get back with him. It means he doesn't respect you enough to admit he needs to change things. When my BF and I got back together after our two month hiatus, we talked about everything honestly. He apologized and told me he knew what he needed to change. Then he actually went through with it. This is how it should be if you get back together.
This Isn't The First Time You Guys Have Split
If you guys have been on and off for a while now, you really need to think about why that's happening... and it's probably because things just aren't working. You're both obviously holding on to something even though it's not doing you any favors. You're both scared to detach, but you need to! If it's happened before, what makes you think this time will be the time you really stay together?
You're Afraid Of Being Alone
Think about the real reason you want to get back together with your ex. If it's because you're scared to be alone, or you're scared that you'll never meet anyone else, that's not a good reason. Fear of being single and the future is the reason a lot of people get back with their exes, and it's not okay. Don't let this fear cause you to make bad decisions.
You Make Excuses For Him
If you're constantly making excuses for this dude, why would you get back together with him? Whether it's to yourself or your friends and family, anyone who requires these excuses isn't worth your time.
You Only Remember The Good Times
If you are looking back on your relationship with rose-colored glasses, then you are definitely not ready to get back with your ex. People who are heartbroken often look back and only remember the good things... they conveniently leave out the bad stuff because they don't want to think about that at the moment. You need to think about the bad stuff and weigh it against the good stuff in order to figure out if you should give things another shot.
Everyone In Your Life Is Advising Against It
You don't always need to listen to friends and family, but sometimes what they're saying can be helpful. If all of the people close to you are begging you not to get back with your ex, they might be seeing something you don't want to see. When I told my friends I was getting back with my BF, they were apprehensive at first (anyone would be, because no one likes the idea of going back to an ex). But once I explained things to them, they agreed that the relationship deserved a second chance. If your friends are convincing you not to date him again, even after you talk with them honestly, there's probably a good reason.
You Don't Feel Like You Can Trust Him
Trust is an essential part of a relationship, and if you feel like you can't trust him, why bother trying again? If he betrayed you badly or cheated on you or something, and you think he might do it again, then he's not worth a second chance!
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