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by Holly O'Connor posted Nov 12 2014 7:58AM
Hey Kim Kardashian,

THANKS. As a member of the Flat Booty Federation, may I say I am OVER YOU AND YOUR DONK. I awoke at 3:00 this morning to tend to my 15-month-old baby girl (yes, our daughters are the same age! Don't even get me started on what your choice of magazine spread might be doing to our kids in the future.)

At that ungodly hour of 3am, I turned to Facebook for a brief getaway from my problems. What did I see plastered up and down my news feed? YOUR HUGE, OILED-UP, BARE NAKED ASS. What does this do for me? What are you HOPING this does? For you or anyone else? We get it. OOOOH! HER BIG ASS IS ON POINT! Everyone's anaconda is gonna want some since she got buns hon!

You're a reality star who is famous supposedly only for being famous. But I know who you really are. You're a mogul who sells your brand for a HUGE profit. You're not dumb. You do things for a reason. So WHAT IS THE REASON?

Because I'll tell you what it does for me. First it makes me think you're photoshopped. Which makes me mad because, set a good example for your kid where she doesn't have to grow up trying to attain a standard of beauty that isn't real.

But what if it ISN'T photoshopped? Well that makes me mad because you're shoving your huge perfect ass in my face, taunting my flat butt that will NEVER be round because I wasn't born that way. But now I'm EXPECTED to have a round ass, so I better get to the gym, right? SQUATS, AMIRITE? Well NO MA'AM I am not literally working my ass off (or up?) so I can be what you're portraying. And why ARE you just your ass? Aren't you the mogul we just talked about? I hate to make it about your kid again, but please, for her sake, be known for something other than what you can bring to the table to make men drool.

P.S. Put your damn clothes back on.

P.P.S. For the last time, I'm not going to the gym. #NoSquatNovember
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