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by TYLER posted Nov 14 2014 1:14PM

Since I was young I've always wanted a pet. Unfortunately due to a chemical accident my mother was basically allergic to the world...including pets! I have NEVER been a cat fan. I LOVE kittens but that is the extent of my caring for this paticular species. I don't know why but I always feel like cats are plotting against me.

Apparently, they are not JUST plotting. They are feeling at least 17 other emotions which I now know thanks to a Buzzfeed article
17 Cats Who Are Totally Sick Of Your Games. I now want a cat EVEN LESS! Cats are evil creatures and I definitely believe you can find your way to the gates of Hell by staring into their eyes long enough.

Ever watched Constantine? The theory is legit! I finally have a pet and guess what? It's not a cat. It's my pleasantly plump companion Hamlet...a pig! The good thing about having a pig is that if he ever pisses me off I can eat him. That's right I said it! You can't eat cats. Well I guess you could but that's just gross. Although, if I had any of the cats in this article...I'd consider it!

Filed Under :
Topics : Human Interest
Location : Hamlet
by TYLER posted Nov 13 2014 10:43AM
Yesterday Kim Kardashian's attempt to "Break The Internet" was a monumental fail. Her big bare booty did however steal the attention away from a very monumental event. Yesterday mankind successfully landed a probe on a comet that was moving at over 41,000 mph.

I am sad to say that I was just as guilty as everyone else who brought attention to the reality stars cover photo on Paper Magazine rather than talking about a major human accomplishment. This mission has been underway for 10 years, but it was the 10 hour photoshop job of Kim's butt that stole the show.

This is the first time in HUMAN HISTORY that anything like this has happened. The moon was easy compared to this. We basically just proved that if a comet was headed towards earth we could go all Armageddon on it by landing a crew on the surface and blowing it out of the sky.

I'd say that's worth talking about!
by TYLER posted Nov 12 2014 12:54PM

HELLO Kim!

Today when I woke up at the crack of noon, I worked out on the elliptical (YES! I care about my girlish figure as well), watched some college football talk, and then I picked up my phone to see what was going on inside the world wide web.

With my Facebook app working flawlessly on my iPhone 6, I quickly learned about your cover shot for Paper Magazine. BRAVO Kim! Their is nothing better than big ole booty in the afternoon.

As a guy I think I can speak for other men when I say that we were a little worried about you after the pregnancy. You have officially shut the mouths of nay sayers around the world that questioned your physique.

Young men going through puberity will salute you and quietly whisper your name in bedrooms and bathrooms everywhere!

Thank you so much for enlightening all of us with your imaculate ba donk a donk. You have forever changed lives!


With love,
Tyler on Island 106

PS
Please tell your husband he is a giant douche! THX

Filed Under :
Topics : Human Interest
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17 Cats Who Are Totally Sick Of Your Games
#EpicFail: Missing Human History
Tyler's Open Letter To Kim Kardashian
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